


I won't die for you

by tetsuyacchi



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Drama & Romance, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, I'll tag more as the story progresses, M/M, Mind Games, Moral Ambiguity, Moral Dilemmas, No Misa Amane, Sasaki Yuki - OC, Secret Relationship, but he'll put Light in his place, he's sweet I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22267735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuyacchi/pseuds/tetsuyacchi
Summary: Sasaki Yuki would honour the sacrifice the shinigami Gelus made by saving his life. Despite believing in Kira's cause, he promised Rem that he refused to die for it.When Yuki meets Light, that promise is pushed to its limits.
Relationships: L & Original Male Character(s), Yagami Light/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62





	1. Love

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a part of this fandom since 2013 and I can't believe it's taken me this long to try writing something! I've seen plenty of OFC's but liked the thought of changing things up, so Yuki will be replacing Misa in this, however, this won't just be Yuki doing everything Misa did in canon.  
> I'm going to make Yuki a conflicted character - he supports Kira's cause but doesn't think killing innocent people is ok and will clash with Light on a lot of his morals/choices.
> 
> Here's a link to what Yuki looks like: https://mochiwwx.tumblr.com/post/190642752350/a-couple-of-drawings-just-to-serve-as-reference

“It’s today, isn’t it? The end of his life.”

Within the vast expanse of a barren wasteland, sat two distorted figures. One crouched upon the dusty floor, their body looking like a patchwork of materials haphazardly stitched together, while the other stood imposingly tall above, skeletal frame casting an eerie shadow behind them.

The lulling voice was more eerie than soothing and had a feminine pitch to it.

The tiny figure that was sat upon the floor was hunched over a small black notebook, a writing utensil clutched in their shaking hand.

“He looks so healthy…I wonder why today?”

Their voice was deeper than the other but held a monotone quality to it; one dulled with apathy yet a tilting sense of unease was heard at the final words. A question rather than a statement. Genuine worry.

Both figures stared into a shimmering void that overlooked their decaying wasteland into the human realm below; their sights set on a young-looking man who was leisurely riding the train while reading a book.

Glasses rested on the tip of his nose while wide, soulful eyes scanned the pages quickly, a small smile quirking pink lips that showed his enjoyment of the novel he was reading. Messy hair was pulled into a low ponytail, giving the young man a delicate look compared to the others that sat around him.

“Why…today…” the small figure pondered, their voice breaking at the end as they continued to stare at the pretty human below.

The skeletal being could only stare at their companion in silence, their one eye held a mixture of confused sympathy, for it knew that nothing could be done for the human they'd become so attached to. They stared at the rapidly decreasing numbers above the young man’s head and felt nothing but apathy for the passing of yet another human life.

Regardless, both beings sat there for hours staring down into the void of the human world, one too entranced by their obsession to look away while the other knowing that nothing of more interest ever happened in their own wasteland.

They both watched as the young man – barely passed boyhood if his youthful features and happy demeanour were any indication – went about his final day on earth. The boy only did mundane things, of course, unknowing of his final moments rapidly approaching. He spent the day at what seemed to be his job, a substitute lecturer who held his own against his older associates but was humble enough to listen and eager to learn more.

The boy was walking alone at night, having just exited the train, making his way down a deserted alleyway when both beings knew at once what was about to occur. If the single digits above the boy’s head weren’t indication enough, then the seedy-looking man who was approaching would.

The man looked much older than the boy, likely in his early 40’s and had a crazed look in his eyes. The boy stopped and called out to the man, his sweet voice asking what was wrong and if he could help in any way.

“He hasn’t seen the knife,” the taller being commented, eyes unwavering from the scene below. They didn’t notice their companion who was now visibly shaking in fear at the altercation and was gripping their writing tool tightly.

After getting a frenzied reply from the man, the boy visibly stiffened and began trying to shuffle away from the obvious stalker, but it was already too late. The sharpened blade he wielded glinted under the streetlamp and within a second of him trying to escape, the man had already lunged forward to grab a hold of his victim.

He professed his love for the boy, screaming that if he couldn’t have him then nobody could.

Panicked wheezing interrupted the manic scene and looking down at their companion below, they could only stare in shock.

“Hey! Stop!”

But their warning was too late and the small being had already frantically written the man’s name into their notebook, their figure shaking uncontrollably as they watched wide-eyed at the scene down below.

The young boy had tried shielding his arms from the oncoming knife attack and cried out in pain when the sharp blade nicked his skin. He cried out for help, for anybody to come and save him, but to no avail.

Or so he thought, until all at once, the man had stopped in his tracks and now clutched at his chest in agonised shock. The boy whimpered at the sight and curled into himself, scared and confused.

The small being watching from above was relived and despite moaning in crushing pain from their actions, couldn’t stop the small content smile from crossing their patched mouth.

As the man in the human realm fell to the ground from a sporadic heart attack, the small being above shook as their body began crumbling into dust around them.

The skeletal figure could only watch in horror. It was a beautiful yet harrowing sight as their body fell apart at the seams, their very being diminishing within seconds. Before completely disappearing, only a murmur could be heard.

“ _Yuki_ …”

The name was whispered like a prayer and Rem, with her looming skeletal figure hunched over and watching their companion turn to dust in front of them, could only hear the desperate plea and stare at the lone notebook that lay before the pile of remaining dust.


	2. Saviour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've posted some drawings I've made of Yuki over on my tumblr if anybody is interested in seeing him, hopefully, it will make picturing him easier; https://mochiwwx.tumblr.com/post/190642752350/a-couple-of-drawings-just-to-serve-as-reference

As the sun rose from behind the clouds, its rays shining down and bringing a much-appreciated semblance of warmth from the previous winter months, a thin stream of light peeked through the window of an empty classroom.

A chilly breeze blew through sending curled locks drifting before falling back to settle upon a pale cheek. The classroom was mostly silent, only the quiet pants of breath escaping parted lips could be heard. Sat upon the desk chair, a figure was draped gracefully. Their thin frame spoke of a delicate nature while the long lashes and rosy cheeks only added to their child-like appearance.

Steady footsteps walked down an empty corridor before coming to a stop outside the classroom door. With a swish that echoed in the silence, the door was opened, and the visitor entered the room, eyes falling onto the figure sleeping blissfully unaware.

Transfixed by the sight and somewhat nervous, the newest arrival rose a shaky hand toward the sleeping beauty and cupped a soft cheek, a stuttering breath leaving his lips as he felt the warmth seep into his hand.

Long lashes fluttered as the figure awoke from their slumber and the man cupping their cheek hastily backed away, not wanting to be caught in such a compromising position.

The boy – that was all he could be described as, for no manly features graced such a delicate face – blinked wearily at the blurry figure that stood in front of him, bringing up a hand to wipe away the last vestiges of sleep.

“Hm?” he mumbled.

“Sasaki-kun, I came to wake you up. You have a lecture in 20 minutes,” the stranger spoke, and his words seemingly got through to the boy for he shot up from his position and checked the watch he wore on his wrist.

Sasaki Yuki, now fully awake and staring at the ticking hand on his watch that counted ever closer to his next appointment looked back up at the man with a shy smile. “Thank you, Yamada-san. I’m afraid I never would have woken were it not for you.”

The man laughed good-naturedly, rubbing the back of his head as though humbled by the boy’s gratitude. He waved his hand, mumbling that it was no trouble.

Yuki perked up and swiftly began tidying up his belongings scattered across the desk and placing them back into his bag, glancing over at Yamada as he did so. “Do you have a class soon, Yamada-san? I wouldn’t want to make you late.”

Laughing and turning away as though embarrassed by his words, Yamada couldn’t help but stare at Yuki from the corner of his eyes. “No, no. I’m done for the day…though, I was wondering, well, whether you’d like to catch a drink later?”

Yuki looked up at his words with wide eyes, though a small smile graced pink lips. He laughed lightly. “Yamada-san, you know I don’t drink.”

“Ah- yes, well, I suppose we could grab a coffee if you’d prefer-”

“I’m sorry, Yamada-san, but I can’t make it tonight. I have marking to do for Haizaki Sensei,” Yuki apologised. He smiled kindly at Yamada whose expression had fallen upon hearing the boy’s initial rejection. “Maybe next time, hm?”

Yamada’s face momentarily darkened but switched before Yuki could see, a wide grin forming that distorted the man’s face into something eerily intense. Though Yuki didn’t notice a thing, for he was already fastening his bag and rising from his seat, pushing it under the table neatly before hurrying past the motionless Yamada.

“I better get going. Have a nice day, Yamada-san. Thank you again for waking me up!” Yuki smiled one last time before exiting the room, his gaze facing forward as he rushed to get to his next appointed room on time, thus neglecting to notice the now stone-faced man.

Yamada watched the slender boy run down the corridor before he disappeared from sight, his figure motionless save for those beady eyes that continued to stare where Yuki had gone.

* * *

Yuki sighed in relief as he reached the room just a couple of minutes before the lecture began and he sent a sheepish smile to the man standing at the front, who rolled his eyes good-naturedly at the usual sight of a rosy-cheeked Yuki arriving just in the slip of time.

Collapsing onto the front row of benches and pulling out a notebook and his glasses, Yuki was ready to pay close attention to the lecture ahead. He took his duty very seriously and wanted to make a good impression on Haizaki Sensei, who had vouched for the boy when he’d applied for such a position.

His final year of To-Oh was stressful and Yuki had also decided to take on the extra load of responsibility that came with being a lecturer’s assistant. He knew he wanted to teach after graduating and so had applied to apprentice as an assistant whilst completing his final year, arguing that the experience could only benefit him if he wished to teach. It seemed the higher-ups agreed and after a surprisingly positive speech by Haizaki, Yuki’s time was now split between being a student and also helping out Haizaki wherever he could.

Listening in as Haizaki explained the theoretical aspects of the pre-Socratics and their philosophy, Yuki’s rapid note-taking was interrupted as a rather forward student brought up a topic that many considered taboo in such recent times.

 _Kira_.

The mysterious entity had been widespread news for months since people began noticing how criminals had begun rapidly dropping dead and people clambered to voice their opinions on such a matter – whether they agreed or disagreed with Kira’s methods, everybody was aware of the power the being held.

Even mentioning Kira in everyday conversation, unless with friends or people you knew shared your opinions, was considered rude and many would awkwardly change the subject upon simply hearing the name. Kira was both revered and reviled in equal measure.

Turning his head and getting a good look at the boy who’d spoken, he could see the fierce determination in his eyes as he asked the same question again.

“If the original qualm was of God being non-benevolent because he allowed sin to happen and did nothing about it, then could it be argued that such a problem has ceased to exist?”

The hall was silent as students stared at the boy in a mixture of shock and mild horror. Yuki watched the boy from under his lashes, interested to where exactly he was going with such a line of thinking. It was a sound argument starter and as he glanced to Haizaki, who’s raised brow indicated intrigue, he knew the older man agreed.

“And how exactly would we categorise such a figure as in line with ‘God’?” Haizaki asked. Such a question seemed to shock the boy from his tense posture, his clenched jaw becoming lax as he realised he was being taken seriously.

“Well, Kira is killing the bag guys, isn’t he? He’s ridding the world of those that hurt others or those that don’t contribute anything to our society. He’s making it a better and safer world for us all.” The words were spoken with conviction and Yuki commended the boy for the strength backing his words. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to do the same, despite holding very similar views.

A girl sitting a few rows down from him coughed and looked back with disdain. “Kira isn’t a _God_ , it’s more likely a big cover-up by police to finally do something useful. There’s only one God and Kira certainly isn’t it.”

Her words had an immediate effect on the room as voices began discussing, or in some cases arguing, their thoughts on such a matter. Yuki looked across to Haizaki, silently asking if he was going to stop them anytime soon but the man shook his head, his brown eyes lit up with a light that only a burning passion could ignite. Clearly the man lived for such arguments and discussions and Yuki smiled at seeing the man so eager to join in as he moved to sit with his students, nodding along as they each tried getting their own views across.

Yuki’s mind wandered as he pondered the boy’s words…words he himself agreed with wholeheartedly.

Before Kira, Yuki wasn’t a religious person. His parents had never pushed any kind of belief onto him; both being career-driven individuals who didn’t have time for anything but their jobs, most certainly not a focused religious or spiritual practice. It had left Yuki with a general sense of aimlessness – his heart and soul feeling empty and directionless, that he had nothing to follow, no grander purpose but to simply exist.

When he’d first heard of Kira, murmurs of a confrontation upon live TV of Kira themselves in a battle of wits against the detective who called themselves L, Yuki’s entire being had gravitated toward the source of news, and once he’d gotten home, he’d searched everything he could on the entity that had been dubbed Kira.

Since that very moment, Yuki had been devoted.

The ringing of a bell brought him from his thoughts and looking around at the emptying classroom, Yuki slipped his notebook into his bag, smiling sheepishly as he realised he’d hardly written anything down in the last half hour. The students soon piled out and after saying a quick goodbye with Haizaki – and promising to grade the assignments he’d been left with – Yuki was leaving the building, wrapping the woollen scarf securely around his neck as he was greeted by the early spring breeze.

The weather was looking up as winter left and spring announced its arrival with blooming petals and shades of pink, however the air still retained its bitter chill and the nights came early. Such was the case as Yuki boarded the train and stared out of the window, gazing at the passing city that was backdropped in deep blue. The nights, while no longer arriving so soon, still blanketed the sky by the time students were returning home and so Yuki tucked his face into the fluffy baby-blue scarf as the train came to a stop and those exiting began making their journeys home.

Yuki thought of his small, empty apartment and held in the sigh that wanted to escape. The apartment was nice enough but decidedly lonely. With parents that travelled for work all-year-round, Yuki had been left on his own since he could remember. Though, he guessed it wasn’t all too bad. They were caring enough to pay his rent without fuss and so Yuki only suffered through the loneliness of such arrangement without financial struggle. He was grateful for his luck in life, but Yuki was a helpless romantic and couldn’t stop the budding wish to share his home with somebody. Share his _life_ with them.

The night was cold, and a shiver went down his spine, raising goosebumps upon his skin. Yuki rubbed his hands together, wishing once again that he’d thought ahead and ordered a hot drink from the college campus before heading home. _The warmth of some hot chocolate would be very much appreciated right now. I’ll make some when I get home._

All thoughts of cuddling up in a blanket and making a chocolate treat left Yuki’s mind when he suddenly halted in his steps, as his eyes caught onto the lone figure standing eerily at the end of the short alleyway. Clenching his hands tightly at the inexplainable rush of fear he felt, Yuki attempted to smile at the stranger, hoping they were simply lost or drunk, and had no sinister intentions.

“Hello, are you lost, sir?”

He got no reply. Yuki darted his eyes to the side, contemplating the chances of escaping the scary situation when he paused as the man’s head moved slightly, allowing the dim light from the streetlamp to shine upon his face, revealing a familiar sight.

“Yamada-san!” Yuki felt instant relief at seeing a familiar face and his shoulders sagged from the draining tension he’d felt moments ago. “You scared me, Yamada-san! Haha, what are you doing out so late? Oh! Could it be that you’re lost, and you went out drinking after all?”

Yamada’s expression had been blank up until that point, but with a sudden and unexpected vigour, he lunged forward and crowded the smaller boy up against the wall, his face twisted into a smile.

“Yuki…” he whispered reverently, his hand cupping the boy’s face.

Yuki was surprised and a little uncomfortable at his friend’s antics, especially with the sudden use of his first name, but guessed that if he were in fact drunk, then he couldn’t very well condemn his inebriated actions. After all, Yuki wasn’t very familiar with the effects of alcohol, never participating in it himself, as so was unsure if such behaviour was normal or not.

“Yamada-san, would you like me to call you a taxi? I think you’re very drunk.”

“Yuki…won’t you come back to mine? I promise I can make you feel good.”

“What are you talking about, Yamada-san? Please stop, you’re making me uncomfortable. Please, let me call you a taxi and you can sleep this off at home.”

Yuki’s voice had pitched higher as the man continued gripping his chin, staring into the boy’s eyes intensely. He wasn’t sure what to think and was beginning to feel the fear creep upon him again. He’d been in this very situation before and the dredging memories were an unwelcome pit in his stomach.

Yuki felt sick and attempted to push Yamada away, his efforts proving futile against such a man larger than him. “Please, Yamada-san. This isn’t right. you’re my friend, so please stop this nonsense.”

Hot breath tickled his cheek as Yamada leant closer, his eyes were glazed in an emotion Yuki knew all too well, and it was with a horrifying sob that he truly understood the man’s intentions. “Please, please, Yamada-san. Please don’t do this, I don’t feel that way for you. I never have. Please stop this…”

He’d begun crying and uncaring of his weak and pitiful attempts at escape, Yamada’s expression twisted into something truly insane. His eyes were blown wide and his mouth curled into an ugly frown.

“You never have…” he whispered brokenly, seemingly staring through Yuki rather than at him. “Never have…”

Yuki sobbed again, his body frozen in shock and he didn’t know whether to push Yamada away or grip onto his body in terror. He couldn’t help but think, even in such a moment, that it was people like Yamada who truly needed to be rid from this world. These were the kinds of people Kira had eradicated. Who Kira had saved the rest of the world from. It was these kinds of people, the ones who hid their insanity and depravity from everyone around them, only to strike when they knew their victim was vulnerable and helpless. Kira was doing them all a favour – Kira was _saving_ them, _protecting_ them, by killing these monsters disguised in human skin.

A glint of metal was revealed as Yamada brought out the knife from behind, a weapon Yuki realised he must have been carrying all this time and the sob he let out was of both horror and acceptance. He knew his own physique and Yamada, despite being of average height, dwarfed him with his broad shoulders and thick frame. Yuki knew he was going to die but couldn’t help the heartbroken cry from leaving his lips as he begged somebody to do something. For somebody to save him.

Kira. _Kira, Kira, Kira._

Would Kira save him? Was he worthy of such notice, of such compassion? Surely, Kira would save somebody who believed in their cause?

“If I can’t have you, then nobody can!” Yamada shouted, spittle flying from his mouth as he declared his undying love for the terrified younger boy, his eyes were alit with the insanity he’d kept hidden for so long. He swung an arm down toward the trapped boy, who despite knowing his death was imminent still raised his arms in reflex to protect himself, begging still in his mind for a saviour.

“Please, please, somebody help me! Please! Kira, Kira, please save me!” he sobbed desperately as the harsh stinging of the blade slicing through his skin burned upon his forearms. It seemed that despite his overwhelming advantage, Yamada’s crazed attempts were rather poorly aimed.

Yuki’s voice was sore from his own pleads for help and as he slumped back against the brick wall, blood running down his arms and shaking legs, he stared at the man that would be his end. “Please, Yamada-san. Don’t do this.”

“Yuki... _I love you_. I’ll kill you and then I’ll kill myself! We’ll be together soon.”

Such words were all he needed to hear to know that his life was forfeit. Yamada wasn’t simply seeking to kill somebody, but his obsession and infatuation would see to both of their deaths, and Yuki knew he wasn’t fast nor fit enough to outrun such a possessed being. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see as the knife inevitably came down, his heart beating frantically from within his chest and Yuki bit his lip harshly to stop the sobs from escaping.

...

A couple seconds passed with no pain.

Trembling all over with adrenaline and pure terror, Yuki peeked open an eye to see just what had happened and they widened as he saw Yamada’s horrified expression.

The man’s eyes were bugging out wide as he clutched his chest in agony. He began swaying on the spot and the knife he’d wielded dropped to the floor in a clatter. Disbelieving of what was happening right in front of him Yuki could only stare. His mind had gone blank and as he finally realised that Yamada was suffering a heart attack, he let out a rush of breath. He felt dizzy from holding it in so long and his vision blurred as he tried blinking the fatigue away.

Yamada looked at Yuki with a pleading expression, outstretching his hand desperately as he tried taking a few steps closer before tumbling to the ground in a dead heap.

Yuki could only stare down at the dead body in silence.

The man that had tried to kill him had suddenly suffered a heart attack, killing him. Was this simply a coincidence, or divine interference? _In my final moments, I was pleading for somebody to save me. For Kira to save me. Did they hear me? Is this an act of divine salvation?_

Yuki’s shaking legs sent him tumbling to the ground and as he expected to hit the floor in a painful heap, he suddenly felt weightless. He blearily looked down at his body only to see an innocent black notebook resting upon his stomach, while the rest of his body was suspended in the air as though being held. Yuki tried moving his head upwards to see who was holding him – had there been anybody else around when Yamada had died? Yuki was sure they were the only ones. His screaming hadn’t helped in his rescue – however the movement sent a wave of sickness through him and so he lay his head back against the person’s arms, grateful for any kind of help.

Heavy-lidded eyes blinked as their gaze rested upon the arm of his rescuer and Yuki only had a moment to ponder over the unusual tone of their arms – a sickly white that looked suspiciously like bone – before he couldn't escape the clawing ache of sleep any longer and he finally let his eyes fall shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this so far, please consider leaving a comment, they're much appreciated! ♡´･ᴗ･`♡
> 
> (If there are any mistakes, please feel free to point them out, I'm always open for help in that regard!)


	3. friend

Rem stared down at the small human that slept peacefully unaware. His small frame fit perfectly within her skeletal arms, like a child or small animal seeking refuge. She was unsure of what to do from this point onwards, motionless as she was in the dimly lit alleyway, the only sounds the occasional car driving across the street.

Her gaze fell once again on the tiny human that Gelus had died for. Rem wasn’t quite able to describe her feelings on such an occurrence, being a Shinigami she wasn’t actually sure they _could_ feel anything but apathy and emptiness. Though, she supposed what Gelus had felt could be described as love…or was that simply a human concept?

There was a reason Shinigami did not fall in love with humans and despite having never seen it happen before, Rem was certain she never wanted to again. The sight of Gelus’ disintegrating body had sent a spark of what she could only identify as fear down her spine, a sensation she was loathe to repeat, unaccustomed to feeling so powerless and vulnerable.

Was this how humans felt? Was that how this boy had felt in those few final moments that were supposed to be his life? Rem was uncomfortable at the mere thought – unable to admit that her previous apathy had dismissed such a sensation as none of their concern. _Does a Shinigami feel such emotions naturally, or am I different now too, just like Gelus?_

The boy moaned in pain and tried wriggling from her grip, his cherub face was pinched and his brows pulled down into a frown. Rem leant forward more to stare closely at the human’s face, one wide, unblinking eye gazing in curiosity.

The alleyway was deserted with no humans in sight and when she focused her hearing on their immediate surroundings, Rem could not detect anything. Discarded on the floor were the boy’s belongings spilling from his bag, which had scattered in the assault, and tossed innocently to the side lay his wallet. Rem knew that humans carried proof of their identities with them everywhere – similar to a Shinigami’s death note, she supposed – and so long skeletal fingers pinched the wallet from the ground and brought it closer, her golden eye taking in the human script with ease.

_Name: Sasaki Yuki  
Birth Date: August 2  
Weight: 47kg  
Height: 165cm_

She blinked slowly as she took in the information, her gaze settling upon the boy – Yuki – that was sleeping, unaware of the monster that held him at their mercy. Rem wondered briefly how the boy would react upon seeing her but dismissed the thought soon after, telling herself it did not matter what some small human felt about her, a Shinigami.

Humans were natural prey of Shinigami. Shinigami did not feel anything towards humans. Only apathy towards their means of longevity. Rem continued to stare down at the soft cheeks and hair that spilt passed her arms and swung in the light breeze of the night.

Unsure what to do with the boy now she was holding him, Rem peered down at the identification card to spot an address, seeing that the street was the same as what was written on the sign a few paces down of the alleyway. _The boy had been so close to safety and yet if not for Gelus…_ Rem blinked slowly in comprehension and resolve. She supposed it was the least she could do for her fallen companion.

And so with an uncaring glance down at the deceased body of Yamada that lay in a heap upon the floor, Rem walked toward where she thought the boy’s house was, and if she was more careful than normal in carrying the small body in her arms, then nobody was around to be any the wiser.

* * *

_Pain blossomed upon his chest like a firework that exploded at once – an encompassing explosion of raw power descending upon his body with sickening clarity. Yuki could be sure he felt his chest cave in from the force of the stab and he let out a truly pitiful sob at the tremendous pain of it all. It hurt so much he wasn’t sure he’d be quite able to take another breath. Was this how he would die? Stabbed to death by somebody he thought a friend? A man wearing the mask of confidant while the selfish killer lurked just below the surface?_

_The rattling of sharp metal against bone left a sickening lurch in his stomach as the knife descended again – this time aiming straight for his heart, as though the assailant wanted to snuff that out first, to stop the pain of this twisted love being unrequited. Extinguish the heart and it couldn’t be given to anybody else…_

_The man’s large hand cupped his face and brought it up to stare at him but Yuki kept his eyes tightly closed, both out of pain and fear from what would be staring back at him. Was this man some kind of devil in disguise? Would Yuki see the embodiment of true evil staring back at him if he just peeked back?_

_…No._

_Yuki would only see a human man who had fallen to the truest pits of depravity. A true human that was nothing more than flesh and bone, a mind ravished by insanity yet kept human all the same. This was what Yuki knew lived within the world. He knew these kinds of people existed and this was why they needed someone to purge such evil from the world. How could they live peacefully, knowing that such degeneracy lurked among them, waiting with their masks painted smiling for the opportune moment to strike? Yuki knew it was impossible. They needed a savour, a divine being that would take it upon themselves to selflessly save those who called out in aid._

_Yuki slowly found a new sense of resolution in staring his killer down in his final moments, to imprint the monster’s face into his mind so that when he finally reached whatever **after** awaited him, he could relay such to whatever deity dwelled there and find his retribution. Yuki was sure that if such a being – if Kira – couldn’t save him right now, it was for a reason. Perhaps Yuki had to die to truly show the depravity of humans, to bring to light the sickening immorality of their kind so that such being could point and prove to those who did not yet believe._

_‘Look,’ they would say. ‘Look at the corruption and sin and tell me not that such beings deserve to live. Do you not believe the boy deserves retribution… **justice?** ’_

_If Yuki were set to die for such a purpose, then he supposed it was not so bad at all. Yuki’s eyes slowly slid open, his heart hammering uselessly within his chest as it tried desperately to pump the blood throughout his dying body, but it was of no use, and Yuki was ready to die for the greater cause. He was ready to stare his killer in the eye and promise their God’s justice._

_He blinked a few times, his blurry vision clearing slowly until he was met by pure white…_

“Is this heaven?” Yuki slurred out quietly.

“You are awake.” A voice spoke, their voice echoing in the silent room.

Yuki blinked a few more times in an attempt to clear the dredges of whatever dream he had been so immersed in, though even as the tears were blotted away, only white encompassed his entire sight. Strips of bone overlapping each other, crisscrossed messily to reach what looked like a crude imitation of a spinal column and ribcage. His eyes continued travelling further upwards to take in the entirety of this new creature he had been faced with only to be met with a singular golden eye upon a bandaged face, framed by locks that were tinted with the slightest purple colouring at the tips.

He compared the being overall to a piece of artwork one might see when visiting a museum. The being’s assortment of spiked bone creating an image of jagged and accentuated deadliness; the artist’s attempt to portray the image of a gentle death.

“Are you an angel?” he whispered hoarsely into the silence that had descended as he’d stared at the other’s body, his eyes staring unflinchingly at the single golden eye.

The iris was slitted like a cat’s but Yuki felt no malice from the being despite its rather frightening appearance. He thought the creature seemed somewhat…hauntingly beautiful.

“I am a Shinigami.”

“Shini-gami?”

“Yes. I have come from the Shinigami world because I have something that now belongs to you.”

“Shinigami world…does that mean you’re the one who saved me?” Yuki asked in surprise, his eyes brightening at the connection made. “Are you Kira?”

A crease of displeasure crossed the beings face at the sound of Kira’s name but they shook their head in reply. “No. I am Rem. Gelus is the one that saved you.”

“Gelus..?”

“Yes.”

“Then…who is this Gelus? Can I thank them?” Yuki’s voice was a quite whisper as he tried sorting out his conflicting emotions.

He was eternally grateful to whatever being had saved him from certain death at the hands of Yamada, but he couldn’t help the clawing ache of disappointment that curled within his stomach at the realisation that he had not, in fact, been saved by Kira. Yuki tried shaking off such ungratefulness, feeling shame at dishonouring this Gelus’ help in such a distasteful way.

“Gelus is dead.”

Yuki’s heart skipped a beat at the rather blunt words, staring up at the towering skeletal figure in shock. He shuffled from his position on the bed until he was kneeling, peering up at the being with wide eyes. “Dead? But how? Didn’t they save me?”

“Gelus was a Shinigami. Shinigami are forbidden to save humans. Gelus died protecting you.”

The words were blunt but not harsh. Yuki couldn’t detect any malice or blame within the words yet he still felt the powerful punch of regret within his chest. This Gelus…a Shinigami…had died to protect him. _But why?_ What had a Shinigami felt that was worth protecting a mere human? Yuki had called out for Kira in his final moments, wishing ardently for the being to protect him, but he had never once believed that Kira would die in doing so. Yuki would never have asked such a selfish request if it meant somebody else’s death in his place. What an awful situation he had brought upon this Gelus.

“I didn’t mean to…I-I mean, I didn’t want anybody to die for me…” he whispered our brokenly, staring up at the figure urging them to believe him.

“You did no such thing. Gelus chose to die. That is all.”

That didn’t lessen the blow any less. “But…why?”

The first signs of unease were visible upon the beings face and Yuki watched closely as they frowned in apparent confusion. He likened it to a child who wasn’t quite sure what the adults around them were talking about, being too young and naïve to understand such concepts they had yet to experience.

“Gelus…loved you. Shinigami cannot love humans; it will only end in death. Shinigami cannot extend human lives, only take. Gelus chose to save you, extending your life. Gelus died.”

Yuki blinked owlishly at the explanation, trying to take in the words they had spoken. This Gelus, he had…loved him? Not in the same way Yamada had claimed to love him…but a selfless love that had driven him to save Yuki despite knowing it would result in his own death. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of such an empathetic creature and he let them spill down his cheeks as he hiccupped sadly.

“What…a wonderful person he must have been,” Yuki whispered softly, unsure on calling Gelus a Shinigami when he’d behaved in such a seemingly non-Shinigami manner. Though the word _person_ didn’t quite fit either, Yuki felt the being deserved a little humanity for having performed such a loving act.

The being continued to stare blankly back at Yuki and he shifted to move closer, wiping away the straying tears. “Shinigami-san, where you friends with Gelus?”

“Friends…? I suppose that is what humans would call it.”

“Then…I want to apologise for being the cause of your friend's death. If I could thank Gelus-san for his sacrifice I would, but I can only thank you, instead.” He looked up at the being from under wet lashes, his eyes wide and hopeful.

“Can I know your name, Shinigami-san?”

The creature blinked slowly, their striking golden eye staring back with unnamed emotions. “Rem.”

“Rem?” Yuki repeated softly before smiling brightly at the newly named Shinigami. “What a pretty name! Then, Rem-san, do you want to be friends?”

The words had an effect on the Shinigami, who’s eye widened in shock. “Friends?”

Yuki hummed in confirmation, a shy smile on his lips as he stared up at his new friend. “Well, now your friend is gone, you must be lonely, right? I can be your friend too. I’m sure Gelus-san would be happy to know his two friends were getting along, hm?”

A silence hung in the air while Rem took in the boy’s words and Yuki continued smiling up at the Shinigami, not fazed by the lack of an answer. He was sure his new friend was simply shy, or maybe Shinigami weren’t allowed to be friends with humans, either? And what about other people? Would they see Rem and be scared? He hoped not…the tugging loneliness that he’d tried ignoring for the longest time had lightened slightly at the thought of having a new friend to confide all of his feelings to. Maybe Rem would enjoy having a new friend too, now that Gelus was no longer around?

“This belongs to you.” The words were an abrupt change of direction in their conversation but Yuki took it in stride, willing to push their budding friendship another time. He looked at the black notebook that Rem held between two boned fingers, briefly feeling a spark of recognition at the sight.

“A notebook?” he asked dumbly.

“This belonged to Gelus. It was his Death Note. Now it belongs to you.”

“Death Note?” Yuki mumbled the words awkwardly, taking the book and flicking to the first page, where a serious of rules were displayed in neatly formatted kanji. He looked up at Rem for answers.

“Our notes do not need rules. Shinigami naturally know how to use their notes. However, you do not. I wrote the rules for you so you will know how to use it.”

“Use…it…” He looked back down at the ‘rules’ that were written, eyes widening in shock at what he saw. “ _When a human’s name is written within this note, they will die. If the person’s face is not visualised when writing their name, then the note will not take effect. People sharing the same name will not be affected_ …”

He recited the words in disbelief, his mind working faster than ever, connecting the dots until he came to a startling discovery. “Kira!” he exclaimed. He looked up at Rem with wide eyes, “This is what Kira uses to kill, isn’t it?”

Rem nodded once in reply. Yuki’s mind spiralled with a multitude of theories and conspiracies. “Then…is Kira a Shinigami? Or a human who has somehow gotten hold of a death note?” he asked.

“A Shinigami dropped a death note into the human world where it was picked up by a human.”

“Then…did a Shinigami die for them, too? Like Gelus?”

“No. This Shinigami was simply bored.”

“Bored…?” Yuki whispered in disbelief. “They dropped such a dangerous weapon into the world…because they were bored?”

“The Shinigami world is a vast wasteland. Many Shinigami die because they forget to write names. They feel only boredom and apathy.” Rem stated these things like they were facts and nothing to worry about, but Yuki felt a blooming of sympathy in his chest imagining such a pitiful state to exist in. What was the point in existing if you could not appreciate it?

“Do you feel the same, Rem?”

“I suppose. I am not sure.”

The words were sad in themselves. What a truly sad state to not know your own emotions, to be so apathetic that you were unaware of the state of your existence or the worth of living it.

“Then…do you know who Kira is?” he asked in sudden shyness, feeling a curling sense of thrill at the thought of uncovering such a secret. He tightened his hold on the notebook within his hands, pressing it to his chest as he thought of how he now held that same power within his very hands.

He could save lives, just like Kira did. Yuki could help them in purging the world of such awful, sinful creatures that disguised themselves in human skin to create a truly harmonious world where those innocent could live peacefully. Without fear. Without sin. He could do that…

Yuki pushed the notebook toward Rem with shaky hands, a distressed expression on his face.

“I-I can’t…I can’t take another’s life, no matter how much I want to…I just can’t…” he whispered brokenly, ashamed of his obvious weakness. He wished ardently for the utopia Kira promised, but he couldn’t bring himself to play a part in wiping such scum from the earth himself. He couldn’t bring himself to truly imagine taking another’s life with his own hands.

Ah…he was such a pathetic excuse of a human. Would Kira even want somebody like himself in their kingdom? Would Yuki truly be welcome into the heavens if he could not even take that step to further such a world by himself? _But no, that isn’t right…nobody but Kira himself should wield such power._

Kira had surely ascended to the level of the Shinigami by taking such power within their own hands and using it for good, had they not? If Kira were creating a utopia for those innocent and truly good to live in, then how could Yuki assume to own such the same power as them? How could Yuki, a mere believer in Kira’s power assume to be on the same level as such a being?

He felt a wave of relief encompass him as he rationalised his thoughts, the crippling fear he previously felt washing away with his new enlightenment.

He didn’t need to take upon such a mantle himself when Kira was already doing a perfectly fine job themselves. Criminals were dying with each day and those not yet caught were too scared to do anything. The world was already adhering to Kira’s ideals and soon, even the police wouldn’t be able to continue in their pursuit of them.

Though…that did bring up a rather alarming thought. What if the police found Kira’s death note? Would they be caught in such an easy way? Yuki stared at the notebook clutched between his fingers and recoiled at the sudden horrifying thought of being caught himself.

“Rem,” he spoke shakily. “Is there any way you can keep a hold of the notebook?”

Rem seemed to think about his words before nodding slowly, plucking the black notebook from the boy’s hands. Yuki watched as Rem slid it into the area near their waist, blinking in shock as the book seemingly disappeared into thin air. “What?”

“Shinigami can keep their notes on them at all times. Must not lose them. Cannot write names that way.”

Yuki nodded along as though fully understanding the Shinigami’s words but felt completely lost in reality. Though he supposed this sorted out the issue of being caught with the death note…

“Rem? Do you know who Kira is?”

“No.”

Yuki slumped in disappointment. He guessed that would have been way too easy. “Then what about the Shinigami who gave Kira their death note?”

Rem’s eyes narrowed at the question but answered, nonetheless. “Ryuk.”

“Ryuk, huh.” Yuki repeated the unusual name. he stared at the body of Rem, ignoring if it was considered polite or not, a pout on his lips as he considered.

“Rem…do all Shinigami look like you? Or are they different, like humans?”

“We are all different.”

“Hm, really? Then can you describe Gelus?”

Rem’s hand came to rest just below where knee bones were visible. “He was this big. Round. Different colours sewed together. One eye. Small.” The description was rather lacking but Yuki understood, his mind conjuring a basic image of what he thought Gelus looked like from what little information was given. He imagined a little patchwork doll with one wide eye and a shy smile. A small smile curved at his lips at the rather cute image.

“And Ryuk? What are they like?”

“Ryuk is dark. Black feathers and chains. His body looks more human than others.”

“Really? Though I guess you do look quite human yourself, Rem. Well, an exaggerated version I guess…but I’m not scared of you, don’t worry!”

Rem didn’t seem worried at all but Yuki liked to think the concern was appreciated, nonetheless. It couldn’t be nice to be compared to human aesthetics, though it was more likely Rem didn’t care at all. _Apathetic to everything but extending their lives…how dull._

Yuki fell backwards onto the plush bed, sighing in relief as his taut muscles relaxed against the soft covers. He peeked open an eye to stare at Rem who was standing hunched over at the bedside. “Why are you still standing there, Rem? You know you can sit down, right?”

At the blank stare he received Yuki grabbed a hold of a bone-white arm, pulling Rem closer. “Come on, the bed is comfy I promise. It can’t be nice standing like that all the time, even for Shinigami.”

“I am a female Shinigami. Despite being non-human, it is still improper.”

Yuki blinked wide-eyed at her words before bursting into hysterical giggles, clutching his stomach as he rolled side to side on the bed. Rem stared at him in blank confusion. Yuki wiped his eyes and looked up at Rem with shining eyes. “Rem, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m not interested in women anyway, human or not.” He brought up a finger to his lips in a shushing motion, a shy smile on his face.

Rem blinked again as she processed his answer but nodded solemnly, slowly lowering herself to sit upon the bed. Yuki bit his lip to muffle the sudden laughter at such an unusual sight. Rem’s tall form was bent over unnaturally, her fingertips brushing against the floor as she sat hunched. “What are you sitting like that for, Rem? You’ll get backache!”

“Shinigami do not ache. I am made of bone. No muscle.”

Yuki spluttered at the retort. “Yeah, well, ah! Whatever, just sit properly okay? It’ll make me feel better…come on, there’s plenty of room.”

There bickering continued for a few more minutes and once Yuki had finally managed to convince the Shinigami to sit upon the bed in a proper manner, he enjoyed the calm silence that fell between them.

“Rem…”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to stay? I mean…you said this Ryuk has stayed with Kira despite having his own notebook, right? So does that mean you’ll stay with me even if I only have Gelus’ book?”

“If that is what you wish,” Rem said simply, not giving any of her own feelings away.

Yuki bit his lip, suddenly feeling a little shy about being honest in his feelings. Even he could admit to himself that he was lonely…and hadn’t he almost died the previous day? Was he not allowed to feel a sense of attachment to the closest thing to who’d saved him? _Am I just trying to justify this pitiful desperation?_

“Then…” Yuki’s voice was soft. “I’d like it if you’d stay.”

“Okay.”

Yuki rolled onto his side to face the Shinigami, clutching his pillow as he closed his eyes. “Rem…can you tell me more about the death note when I wake up?”

“As you wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Rem and she deserved better than Misa >:(


End file.
